Tags: humor | media | The Prague Post

The Prague Post is the lone survivor of the English Newspaper wars of the 1990s...

Notable for surviving and little else, this plucky little paper will be around with us for some time to come... and to help prolong its existence, we've asked our readers, and they've come up with some new uses for the Prague Post...

1. THEFT DEVICE: "You can use it to steal other magazines with. What you do is, go to those kiosk on the square, you know, where they wouldn't even help you if you were dying, and their dirty windows are all blacked out so they can only see you through a little hole (this guy really thought this out. -ed.) "Well, while in line stick in something good, like Hustler."

2. SHOE LINING: "I flip through it. It's in English." Do you ever use it for anything else? "Well, its thin enough for lining the bottoms of my Docs."

3. SELF-DEFENSE: "Well, you couldn't really hurt anyone if you hit them with it, it's so thin. Reading some of the columns might scare them off, 'tho. "

4. ARGUMENT AGAINST DRUGS: "I think the comics are pretty stupid. Like maybe this is how you draw after taking drugs or something."

5. CULTURAL EVENTS: "You can use it to find out which events to miss. I mean, 'the Philharmonic for New Year's Eve'?! Get real."

6. THE LOCAL PULSE: "The seasonal suppliment? ... uhhh... "

7. JOURNALISTIC ACCOLADES: "Impartial and independent? Re: lobotomized and vegetative. Did you see some of the covers of Night & Day? 'The Magic of Weaving!', 'Stalking the Wild Stork'? When asked if he had ever read The Prague Post, this respondent replied, "No."

8. THE ENVIRONMENT: "It's good for cleaning windows."

9. WORLD EVENTS: "It's good for finding out what's happening in Bratislava. It's like last week's news, today! "

10. GOOD ART: "The new color sections makes nice paper mache, a nice repetitive decorative motif. "